Smiley Faces

Today we have a SMILEY FACE! Woohoo! It was the last stick in the box, phew! Time to have some fun! But first we have to brush our teeth (morning breath is NOT as sexy as it seems on TV, folks). And then we have to let the dogs out. And stand in the middle of the lawn in the pouring rain throwing their toys and pretending to run and play so they’ll emerge from the doorway and come out to pee. By the time we get inside we’re both sopping wet and Ovie immediately runs to the pantry door and begins crying because he’s a poor starving dog that must be fed this instant! Right, we know your game, pal. Yet we fall for it yet again and decide to wait a few minutes longer and feed the dogs first. It’s still raining so they won’t go back outside.

We have to figure out what to do with them because as anyone with a dog or cat can tell you – they are DEFINITE MOOD KILLERS! Had my parents known what cockblocks pets really are they would have let us had the Cujo we always wanted. I’m totally serious. Try getting it on with Ovie and Gilby growling and grunting as they fight over a toy. Or with Ovie trying to mount Gilby and her fending him off by body-checking him into the side of the bed frame. Or the piece to resistance: You’re having a GREAT time, you’re feeling great, totally in the moment and with your head turned you happen to open your eyes and see….. Gilby’s head coming over the side of the bed, her nose twitching and eyebrows furrowing as she watches. And watches. And watches. The more we try to yell at her and tell her to go away the more eager she is to be invited onto the bed. (Lemmon, you’re still dead meat for teaching her to get on the bed in the first place!) It doesn’t help to throw something in her direction to scare her away because the last time I tried that she ran to the other side of the bed and it took B a few moments to realize it wasn’t me licking his bald head. DEFINITE MOOD KILLER!

Thus, we decide to simply close the bedroom door and keep them out. Easy solution. To keep them occupied, we bring up armfuls of chewed Nyla bones and assorted stuffed toys minus heads and various limbs. Giggling, we shut the door and begin to make our own smiley faces (wink, wink) when we hear whining at the door. Focus! We can ignore them. We will ignore them, after all we are the Pack Leaders! They’ll be fine if we don’t let them in. We’re having a good time, here! Wait- who’s clawing at the door (you’d better not be scratching the paint!), there’s more whining, and upon investigation, two noses pressed against the crack between the door and carpet.

Needless to say, our dogs got quite an education. They still can’t look us in the eye. But yay! SMILEY FACES ALL AROUND!!!!!!!